the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
