did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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