I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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