Christians are straight up FREAKS
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
