what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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