My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They took my balls.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
