Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
