Don't make out with my wife yet
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
