I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize