Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
