first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
