I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
