omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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