you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
