He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
