also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
