I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
