if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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