I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
