I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the day after is always just damage control
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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