i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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