Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
