Do you still have your period?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
