i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My vagina just clenched in fear
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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