Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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