I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
