my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
