I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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