nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
high people should be assigned attendants
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
