I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
