I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
