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i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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