I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
