I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
