Banned from zoo.
Again?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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