How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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