I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
