walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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