i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
