Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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