my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
