Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
