if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
