She is in my trunk
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
