I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
