I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we're making bets on your personal life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
