So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
