We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
