you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
