Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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