sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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