Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Two words: blizzard sex
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
