I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
