I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
