Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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