Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
soo... how was my night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
