my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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