Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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