did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
