yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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