You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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