physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
