OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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