when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
