woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
