question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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