On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
