I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
