I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
