She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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