You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
