and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
