Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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