you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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