The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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