If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
