glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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